Sunday, June 22, 2008
FUCK.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
rather disturbing.
this evening: code red.
awhile back.
the former attempted suicide three times in two weeks. claimed to have pumped the stomach twice.
okay, the story goes way back. way before i was even aware of the scene.
i would entertain, mostly when im under influence. and when the guilt starts eating me up(again). she's a sucker for mind games. but its funny how she likes to stick to sms. and solidly not giving up on my ignorance. i have a bad habbit, saying things that aint really right when under influence. which not only applicable in this case. maybe the phone should be kept away. so often, digging on the past. but i cant really rmb what happened(i did). that made the last 4 years, painful. and after so long, the main reason of why-still-bother attitude was out. i stopped in my track just staring at phone screen, look away and den to make sure im not seeing things. just so happen i was under influence on that certain night. and so was she. my head started to fill with what if(s).
after she stopped replying, i went over. on the way, i slipped and fell on one knee, ey its was fucking raining just some while ago that very day. i knew where she stays, but i dont know the damn unit. what if she OD. and the fucking reason being... how to live with that? my kamikaze of calls and smses failed to get a reply. after, which i cannot rmb how long, i headed home. i woke up the next afternoon with a extra heavy head.
it was a dream.. i thought to myself, but no.
the following day was intense, clear headed confrontation. over sms, of course. and the, i hate the world, im tired of living or any other kind of random smses, not even one, ever since.
i always think everyone go through this phase, when you get out of the ten years of education system, youll feel somewhat lost and you go throught this transformation period. some do well passing that phase, some maybe just take a much longer time to get through.
ill pray for you to go back to church, and do fine in time to come.
i fucking found this on her blog. dont piss me off now.
rather disturbing.
this evening: code red.
awhile back.
the former attempted suicide three times in two weeks. claimed to have pumped the stomach twice.
okay, the story goes way back. way before i was even aware of the scene.
i would entertain, mostly when im under influence. and when the guilt starts eating me up(again). she's a sucker for mind games. but its funny how she likes to stick to sms. and solidly not giving up on my ignorance. i have a bad habbit, saying things that aint really right when under influence. which not only applicable in this case. maybe the phone should be kept away. so often, digging on the past. but i cant really rmb what happened(i did). that made the last 4 years, painful. and after so long, the main reason of why-still-bother attitude was out. i stopped in my track just staring at phone screen, look away and den to make sure im not seeing things. just so happen i was under influence on that certain night. and so was she. my head started to fill with what if(s).
after she stopped replying, i went over. on the way, i slipped and fell on one knee, ey its was fucking raining just some while ago that very day. i knew where she stays, but i dont know the damn unit. what if she OD. and the fucking reason being... how to live with that? my kamikaze of calls and smses failed to get a reply. after, which i cannot rmb how long, i headed home. i woke up the next afternoon with a extra heavy head.
it was a dream.. i thought to myself, but no.
the following day was intense, clear headed confrontation. over sms, of course. and the, i hate the world, im tired of living or any other kind of random smses, not even one, ever since.
i always think everyone go through this phase, when you get out of the ten years of education system, youll feel somewhat lost and you go throught this transformation period. some do well passing that phase, some maybe just take a much longer time to get through.
ill pray for you to go back to church, and do fine in time to come.
i fucking found this on her blog. dont piss me off now.
